Anxiety in an Anxious Time

I know we all feel how we feel. However you feel right now is OK. We are living in unprecedented times. I think many people are anxious right now. It’s simply an anxious situation. If you have an anxiety disorder normally, I suspect you may feel how I’m feeling right now. Like your anxiety is on crack. I have to write this in an attempt to get a grip. Writing is one form of my therapy. And sharing it in hopes of connecting with someone else who is feeling similarly is another. We are not alone. We are not alone. Even if we are isolated. We are never alone. We are in this together.

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It’s very confusing to know what to do right now. The boys still go to school for two more days, yet everywhere I turn I see articles and posts and pleas for people to social distance. Stay 6 feet away from others. Stay home. And so I feel guilty for going running in the woods with three friends today. I feel like I should not have gone to a baby shower yesterday. Yet my kids will go to school tomorrow and Tuesday. They will be exposed to at least the 20 children in each of their classes. More in the lunchrooms. More on the playgrounds. Children will not social distance. They will play. They will breathe on each other. They will undue any social distancing that was done in house this weekend.

And so I struggle with the question of whether or not to send them to school tomorrow. I question whether or not it is OK to continue to run with friends. I know we will not stop the curve in its track. The goal is to flatten the curve. And I get that we need to each do our part. But it’s the anxiety I can’t make go away. I need to figure out a way to calm down. To parent for my kids. To remain chill for my own well-being. But this is something I’ve yet to figure out. So here I write - I turn to the one thing that allows the thoughts to flow. And maybe if I get the thoughts out of my head and onto paper, then the beating of my heart will slow down. The shaking in my hands will cease. The pit in my stomach will lessen.

With my *regular* anxiety, I am always reassured by the fact that the situation will be short lived. The panic always stops. Sometimes it takes a good night sleep. Other times it takes leaving a certain social situation. But always, there is an end. Right now, I can’t stop thinking about the fact that this anxiety has no endpoint in sight. We know it will get worse before it gets better. We know our new normal isn’t even clear yet. We know the social distancing will remain. We do not know how long. So my anxiety is thriving in this unknown environment. And turning it down is proving difficult.

So what can we do?

Go outside. Breathe the fresh air. Put our bare feet on the Earth.

Disengage from the news and social media if it is causing you more harm than good.

Slow down. Meditate. Pray. Find gratitude for the small things. Journal. Yoga. Repeat over and over again.

Breathe.

Know you are not alone.

Breathe.

Connect with friends and family virtually. Connect again.

This too shall pass. As I saw one meme say, it may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.

Stress is bad for the immune system. I know this. And in some way I think KNOWING I need to not panic and step into the fear is making it harder to come up for air. We will get through this.